


It’s Just Some Little Thing

by Glitterwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitterwriter/pseuds/Glitterwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: college/university<br/>Tommy is a computer geek, starting his college at the NYU. His career is everything that matters for him. He lost his faith in love when his first love died in a car accident.<br/>Adam is the gay Casanova. He gets every boy he wants and he wants all the cute boys. He doesn’t care about having a relationship, he just wants to enjoy his time at the NYU.<br/>When Tommy and Adam met at a party, the attraction is mutual, but Tommy rejects Adam despite the attraction between them. In a weak moment, Tommy and Adam spent a night together. It is supposed to be a one night stand, but the impact changes their both lives for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s Just Some Little Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LBB round 3. It was the perfect way to finally finish a story I started over 2 years ago. 
> 
> Beta: [beniblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/beniblue) thank you so much for working on it, despite your stressful RL, I owe you big! Love you! 
> 
> All remaining mistakes are totally mine!
> 
> I did a happy dance, when the wonderfully talented @adobejunkie decided to take my fic and make art for it! It's so beautiful!! Please visit her [ Artpost](http://adobejunkie.livejournal.com/13723.html) and leave some love there! Thank you BB!!! <3
> 
> No offense to any of the real persons I used to tell the story. I don't own them, I only own that story. I would like you to not tweet that fic to any of the persons you might recognize here.
> 
> And yes: completely AU, never happened, I am just telling you a fairytale ;) I never have been to NY or NYU, so everything I used is based on research or it was just fitting the story, so I took some freedom to write what I want ;)
> 
> Last but not least: A big THANK YOU to the mods of LBB for taking this comm over, it was amazing to be part of this :) You guys rock!!!

It’s Just Some Little Thing

 

_Out of nowhere lights are coming towards them. It seems like time is standing still; as if he would have time to change how things turn out. Fate is laughing at him, as if he should see that there was a chance to turn the hands of time or slow them down. As if there was a chance to stop the car coming at them from the side. But even in his dreams there is always only death and heartbreak left in the end._

__

“Come on Tommy, we will miss the party!” Isaac was getting impatient.

 

In his opinion Tommy was spending way too much time on his own. This was supposed to be their college time together; for the first time they were on their own and far away from home.

 

They’d been friends since junior high so it wasn’t a big surprise when they decided to go to the same college. They moved from California to New York. Tommy wanted to go to the University of New York since forever. He was a real computer geek and very ambitious. Isaac had been busy for years pushing Tommy to go out and meet people instead of spending all hours in front of his computer. So every now and then Tommy went out with Isaac, but he didn’t have much fun at all. It was a waste of time somehow in his eyes. He was happy on his own. But he liked Isaac and sometimes - very rarely - he caught himself actually having fun with him.

 

That night Tommy had other plans rather than go to a party. He was new in New York and didn’t know anything about the campus. He wanted to go around and check out the buildings he had to go to in the next few days. Of course first of all he wanted to know where the computer building and the library were. And then where he could get a good coffee. On some days Tommy was living on coffee; on some nights too.

 

But Isaac didn’t give him a chance to get away, so it was party time tonight. They would go to this stupid “Welcome to NYU party”. The idea was that senior students invited the freshmen to a party to get to know each other. Tommy was sure for most of them it was just an excuse to get drunk and get laid. That’s not what Tommy was interested in. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t turn a good drink down. And of course he liked sex; he had plenty of it when he felt like it. But he came to New York to study and wanted to focus on it.

 

He was not the usual computer geek. He wasn’t shy and he was able to hold his ground even if he was not the biggest guy around. His style was also unusual for a geek; it was a mix of punk and rock with lots of leather, eyeliner, and nail polish. In addition, Tommy was openly gay, had been for years. And he was not easy to impress. Tommy was demanding of himself and also pretty demanding of all the guys that wanted him. He had high standards and was not satisfied with second best.

 

He broke up with his last boyfriend because he didn’t want to go with him to New York. That’s what Tommy said, as he broke up with Steve. But the real reason was that Steve wasn’t the right one for him. He was just someone Tommy wanted to spend some time with. But even when they started to date, Tommy knew Steve was nice but not a danger to his plans. There was no chance they would stay together for a long time. Tommy wasn’t looking for a relationship for life. It was nice while it lasted but now that it was over also a relief. It was time to move on. For Tommy it was easy too. He had better things to do than fall in love. He was not looking for somebody to love. He wanted to acquire a good university degree first and then find a good job. Once he had finished college there will be plenty of time to find someone he could stay with longer; maybe even find someone to fall in love with.

 

Maybe.

 

Isaac was banging against the bathroom door. Tommy rolled his eyes at his reflection in the mirror.

 

“I’m coming!”

 

He got out of the bathroom and looked at Isaac. “I will leave at midnight, no matter what you say.”

 

Isaac snorted. “You’re not Cinderella; you don’t have to go back to your pigeons.”

 

Tommy gave him the finger and pulled his jacket on. They left their room and walked down the hall.

 

The party was already in full swing when they arrived. The music was too loud for Tommy’s taste and he wished he could just leave again. He was so not ready for all the stupid people here.

 

Isaac must have sensed Tommy’s discomfort because he dragged him through the crowd. Suddenly he had a beer in his hand and things started to look up. At some point he found himself having fun. He was talking with some really smart witty people that actually made him laugh.

 

Two people out of the group were in his computer class which would start the next day. Ben and John wanted to meet him there and check out the campus after the first class. They were both at least as crazy as Tommy and shared some totally crazy ideas they had brewing in their heads.

 

Tommy started to relax and looked around. The music was starting to get better, more rock style. He drank the last sip out of his bottle and started to walk through the crowd to get to the bar. He was about to grab his second beer as he felt hands on his ass and someone’s breath against his neck.

 

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You are just too cute.”

 

Tommy rolled his eyes before turning around. As soon as he was able to, he looked up at the guy, then he almost dropped his bottle. The guy was really gorgeous and fuck if he wasn’t exactly Tommy’s type! A tall guy with black hair, amazing blue eyes, and the sassiest grin Tommy had ever seen. That guy obviously knew the effect he had on people and was using it in full force. He’d grabbed him because he wanted Tommy. That was obvious.

 

Tommy wasn’t able to find his voice for a few seconds and he was getting mad because the guy’s grin was growing bigger. And then he had the nerve to reach out with his hand as if to touch Tommy’s hair. That was all Tommy needed to snap out of it. He stepped back and glared at the guy.

 

“Who do you think you are?”

 

Ok, maybe that was not the smartest come back, but it was all Tommy was able to get out. The guy was fucking beaming at him then.

 

“I am Adam, Adam Lambert.”

 

Then Adam tried to get closer to Tommy again. Tommy stepped further back.

 

“And why do you think you can go around and touch people intimately? I am not a doll and I sure as hell don’t want you to touch me. Fuck off!”

 

Tommy was pissed, but Adam just threw his head back and laughed. For a second Tommy's mind went blank. Fuck, his laugh was so sexy. But Tommy kept cool and started to walk away. Adam tried to stop him with his hand as Tommy passed by him, but Tommy twisted his arm out of Adams grip and kept on walking. He heard someone laughing behind him and someone teased, “Adam, you finally found someone who can resist your charms!”

 

Tommy walked back to his group. They watched him coming over with huge eyes.

 

“What?” Tommy was confused.

 

Cheryl, one of the girls he met that night just started to laugh.

 

“You don’t know who that was, do you?”

 

Tommy just shrugged. “I don’t really care, he just grabbed me. I don’t like that.”

 

Cheryl giggled.

 

“That was Mr Adam Lambert, the gay god of NYU. He gets every boy he wants and every boy wants him. All the twinks are hanging on him waiting for their chance. And as I heard he is giving a lot of them a chance to please him.”

 

Tommy looked over to where Adam was standing.

 

“Too bad for him, I am not a twink. And I don’t waste my time with assholes.”

 

He clanked his beer bottle against Ben’s and John’s. But he couldn’t resist looking back to Adam. He could see him glaring back. Confusion was written all over his face. Obviously Adam wasn’t used to being rejected. Tommy couldn’t help the grin spread on his face.  

 

 

Brad was dancing around Adam.

 

“I can’t believe he turned you down. This is something new. I already like this guy.”

 

Adam was about to explode, but he didn’t want to show it. He didn’t understand what happened. This guy was gay and every gay guy at NYU was willing to go down on Adam whenever he called. Plus he was sure that the guy thought he was attractive, so what the hell?

 

This was the first time Adam didn’t get the guy he wanted. And he was perfect. There was something about this guy that drew Adam to him. He must have him!

 

He kept his eyes on him for the rest of the night. Brad found out that his name was Tommy; Tommy Joe to be exact. Even his name was perfect.

 

He was a computer genius. Tommy Joe was certainly a challenge for Adam. Adam was so ready to try to get him. He just had to think about a plan how to do this.

 

He left the party alone, angry, and horny. He wanted Tommy. All the other guys just didn’t seem right for him anymore. He was sure he would get Tommy Joe into his bed. Sooner or later nobody could resist him.

 

 

Tommy got up early. He wasn’t able to check out the campus the day before, so he left early to have enough time before his first class started. He wanted to be on time, he hated being late.

 

He found a coffee shop and got a big cup of really good coffee. Of course he was way too early for his first class. He decided to wait outside and found a bench in front of the building. He sat down and pulled his laptop out of his backpack. He turned it on and checked his emails.

 

Suddenly he felt a shadow fall across him. Unwillingly he looked up to see who it was. His eyes focused on long legs in tight black jeans and he let them wander up the body in front of him. He liked what he saw and let his eyes wander up to a Queen T-shirt and then to the face above. He saw beautiful lips, freckles, and those eyes that had been fucking with his mind all night long.

 

_Adam!_

 

As soon as Adam’s lips curved into the same grin Tommy had seen the night before, he could feel the anger rise in him again.

 

God this guy was really vain! Tommy rolled his eyes.

 

He was annoyed and snapped at Adam “What?”

 

Adam’s grin grew brighter. He sat down on the bench next to Tommy, their legs touching.

 

“Hey, Tommy Joe!”

 

He let the name roll on his tongue like it was the hottest thing he ever said.

 

Tommy sighed. “Listen, Adam. I am not interested. I am not looking for fun or anything like that. And I really don’t need to become part of your twink collection. Sorry, but you’re wasting your time.”

 

Adam gasped and for a few seconds there was just silence between them. Then Adam smiled almost shyly at Tommy.

 

“Tommy Joe, I am sure you are not a waste of time. You are a challenge and I am willing to take it on.”

 

Tommy couldn’t help to roll his eyes again at him.

 

“Adam, there’s not a chance that I will change my mind.”

 

Adam got up and put his sunglasses on.

 

“Tommy Joe, you already know my name. I will make you scream it out loud in my bed soon.”

 

With this he turned around and stalked away.

 

Tommy was speechless, but he couldn’t stop himself from checking Adam’s ass out. Because, hell this guy had a really nice ass.

 

He managed to shout a “Whatever” after Adam and turned back to his laptop not really able to focus on anything. Instead he was feeling the heat in his body build while he tried to push the unwelcomed images of kissing freckled lips away.

 

Fuck, this guy was really getting to him!

 

 

In the following weeks Adam made a habit of stalking Tommy. He knew which classes Tommy took and tried to be there as often as he could. He didn’t talk a lot to Tommy, just some casual words of greeting to keep the connection. But he was getting impatient because it seemed like he didn’t get any closer to Tommy. Tommy kept his poker face the whole time and Adam had no idea how to change his mind. It was driving him crazy that he seemed to lose the challenge.

 

Nobody fucks with Adam Lambert! He had a reputation and Tommy Joe was not the one to destroy it!

 

Every time he saw Tommy he couldn’t take his eyes off him because he was so unbelievably hot and he seemed to be completely unaware of the fact. Those lips. Those eyes. And his pretty small ass.

 

There must be a way to get him!

 

He looked over at Tommy one last time before he walked off to his own class.

 

He missed the look on Tommy’s face after he left. Tommy wouldn’t admit it but he liked the way Adam was stalking him. It became a habit for Tommy to look after Adam. And he didn’t show it, but his heart was skipping a beat every time he saw Adam. Still he wasn’t able to admit that he was interested, because he really didn’t want a relationship.

 

On the other hand he didn’t want to have one night stands anymore either. He was tired of that too.

 

 

Tommy woke up with a groan. His stomach was killing him. Again. It’s been hurting for days and he was barely able to eat anything without the need to throw up. But he had no time to be sick.

 

He was working harder than he ever did. For the first time in his school life he had real problems with one of his classes. Algebra was killing him. He hated it, but he had to take the class for one year. He needed it for his degree. And he simply didn’t get it. So he had to spend hours upon hours in the library and try to figure it out somehow.

 

Tommy studied different Algebra books for days. He had no choice because the first test was scheduled in two weeks. Only two weeks to get over his hate for algebra; or at least to find a way to tolerate it.

 

So once again he took some pills to get the ache in his belly under control and got up. He was pale and felt weak. He couldn’t eat anything, because he felt too sick. He just gulped down some water. Even coffee was evil now.

 

He made it through the day with a lot of water and some saltine crackers. In the evening he was back in the library. His stomach was burning and he felt really crappy. The pain was getting worse. He felt sweat running down his spine and shivered. He had no choice but to call it a night and go back to his room.

 

Tommy managed to put his books and his other stuff back in his backpack. He tried but he wasn’t able to put the backpack on his shoulders. He just felt too weak. So he was just dragging it behind him as he walked to the exit. As soon as he left the building he saw Adam waiting for him, as usual.

 

Adam started to talk to him in his usual way: “Tommy Joe. I’m still waiting for you. One day...”

 

Then he got a closer look at Tommy’s face.  His tone changed from seductive to worry in one second.

 

“Tommy, are you okay?”

 

Tommy just nodded and tried to walk past Adam. Right in that moment a wave of nausea washed over him. He stumbled over his own feet and was about to fall to the ground. Adam caught him. Tommy was annoyed but then he looked up at Adam and could see that he was really worried about him.

 

Adam held him with one arm, while his free hand touched his forehead.

 

“Tommy, you have a fever and you are white as a ghost. You need to see a doctor. Let me help you.”

 

Tommy shook his head.

 

“No, thanks." I’ll go home and take some medicine. I’m fine. Just let me go – I’ll be okay.”

 

Tommy looked at Adam pleadingly. Adam let him go. Tommy managed to take a few steps forward while Adam stayed at his side.

 

“Dude, just back off. I am not a child; I can walk on my own.”

 

Adam held his hands up in surrender.

 

“Okay, I get it; you can make it on your own. Sorry.”

 

He started to turn away just when Tommy collapsed and his knees hit the ground. Tommy let out a painful groan.

 

“Okay, that’s enough of the tough guy bullshit!”

 

Adam just picked Tommy up and held him in his arms. Tommy tried to squirm free but stopped his struggle because the pain in his stomach was burning like hell now. Adam grabbed Tommy’s backpack too.

 

“Dude, what are you carrying with you - stones?”

 

Tommy let his head roll against Adams shoulder. The pain was so strong he could feel silent tears on his cheeks. Adam carried him to his car. He opened the door and pushed Tommy into the passenger seat.

 

“I will take you to a doctor. You really need some help, Tommy.”

 

Tommy was now at the point to admit defeat. He just wanted the pain to go away. And if Adam was the one who helped him, so be it. He closed his eyes while Adam started the car.

 

 

Tommy blinked a few times before he was ready to open his eyes for real. Then he looked at the unfamiliar surroundings.

 

Where in the hell was he?

 

He didn’t remember how he got in a huge bed with red silky sheets on it. And he certainly didn’t remember laying his head down on a black pillow.

 

He sat up, his head spinning a bit. He realized then that he only had pyjama pants on and that was really weird.

 

What happened?

 

He let his hand drive through his hair while he was thinking hard. The slight ache in his stomach helped him to remember. He fell back down on the pillow and covered his face with his hands.

 

Right, he went with Adam to… Wait, where was he even?

 

Tommy tried to sort out his memories.

 

He could remember that he got into Adam’s car and passed out a few minutes after Adam started the engine. Then he could remember a warm hand on his head checking his fever and a hand on his shoulder shaking him awake. He could remember some pieces of the visit at the campus clinic. The doctor was mostly talking to Adam, after he realized that Tommy was not able to follow his instructions. Tommy remembered that Adam smiled when the doctor called him his ‘boyfriend.’ Tommy was too far gone to correct him.

 

They left the clinic with some medicine and Tommy was pressed to Adam’s side. Tommy’s embarrassment grew when he thought about how he was clinging to Adam on their way to the car.

 

He must have fallen asleep during the ride to Adam’s apartment and he couldn’t remember that he ever agreed to go there with him. But he could remember that Adam carried him into the house ignoring Tommy’s complains. He was so out of it that he even let Adam help him pull off his clothes and that was really an embarrassing memory.

 

Adam has seen him naked!!!

 

Really naked! And really sick.

 

And did he really have to puke right in front of Adam?

 

Tommy groaned at the memory.

 

He got up from the bed just to fall right back as a new wave of ache washed over him. He couldn’t help to let a loud cry. It was still painful and he needed some painkillers.

 

Didn’t the doctor give him some? Where was his medicine?

 

While he was searching for the medicine Adam walked into the room with a tray.

 

“Hey, you are awake.”

 

Tommy looked up.

 

“Kind of.”

 

He winced at the pain and Adam put the tray down on the nightstand and walked over to him.

 

“Are you in pain?”

 

He laid his hand on Tommy’s forehead to check the temperature. Tommy nodded, unable to say anything. Adam turned toward the tray and gave Tommy two pills and a glass of water. Tommy took them and closed his eyes after he swallowed the medicine.

 

After a while Tommy opened his eyes again just to see that Adam was sitting in a chair beside the bed, reading a magazine.

 

“Thank you for your help. I’ll go home as soon as the pain lets up a bit.”

 

Adam closed the magazine and put it away.

 

“Tommy, you need someone to take care of you at least until tomorrow. I know that Isaac is not here. And I told the doctor I would take care of you.”

 

Tommy rolled his eyes.

 

“I am not a child. I can take care of myself.”

 

With that he tried to get up again, but he was too weak to even sit up.

 

Adam sighed.

 

“See, you need some help. I am just glad I was there when you passed out yesterday.”

 

Tommy snorted.

 

“It was not luck, it was because you are stalking me.”

 

Adam grinned at that.

 

“Yeah, okay, I might have been here and there where you happened to be.”

 

Tommy had to laugh at that and winced because his stomach didn’t like that at all.

 

“Stop making me laugh, it hurts.”

 

Adam smiled at him.

 

“You want to eat something? I mean you are allowed to have some soup if you want.”

 

Tommy shook his head.

 

“Okay, I’ll let you sleep some more.”

 

Adam was about to get up, when Tommy reached out and grabbed his wrist.

 

“Stay. Maybe you can tell me some boring stories out of your life so I can fall asleep? I think you owe me that after stalking and finally kidnapping me.”

 

He winked at Adam and Adam just laughed.

 

“What do you want to hear?”

 

Tommy just shrugged.

 

“Anything, I don’t really care. Actually I just need to hear your voice to be able to fall asleep. Your voice is so… melodic.”

 

Tommy couldn’t believe that he just said that. Adam beamed.

 

“Don’t get too excited.” Tommy smiled weakly.

 

Adam cleared his throat dramatically.

 

“Let me start at the very beginning. I was born in Indianapolis. I was a really cute kid as you might imagine.”

 

Tommy rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, please don’t get into details out of your wonderful childhood. Skip it and tell me about something embarrassing or sad. I can’t laugh at all. It fucking hurts.”

 

“Okay. Let me think for a few minutes. My life is just so happy and nice; I can’t find anything embarrassing on short order.”

 

Tommy rolled his eyes again.

 

“I don’t believe you. There is something. Everybody has at least one secret they usually don’t share with the world. If you tell me yours, I might tell you mine. And everything we speak about won’t leave this room.”

 

Tommy was half joking, but he could see that Adam’s face turned serious.

 

“It will be our secret?”

 

Adam asked and Tommy nodded because his mouth was suddenly too dry to speak. And he didn’t try to make a joke about how he could imagine what kind of dirty secrets Adam might have. He got the feeling this was something Adam wanted to get off his chest. Tommy was curious what it was. Adam took a deep breath.

 

“I am not happy with my life at all. I mean, not my sex life. That is pretty good as you can imagine.”

 

He smirked slightly. Then his face changed and Tommy saw sadness clouding his eyes. It was so overwhelmingly strong, it was touching him.

 

“I always dreamt of being a doctor. I wanted to work in a hospital to help people. I wanted to work with children as a pediatrist. I spend some time in a hospital for children with cancer. I met really amazing kids. Some of them don’t live anymore, but they are a part of my heart.”

 

His voice broke for a few seconds and Tommy could swear there were tears shining in his eyes. Tommy could barely stop himself from taking Adam’s hand. Adam took another deep breath and continued.

 

“I was amazed by their power. I wanted to learn how to help them; to change their lives. I don’t even know what I wanted.”

 

Adam sighed.

 

“It was a dream to be a doctor, but my father killed it.”

 

He snorted. Tommy finally reached out and took Adam’s hand.

 

“What happened?”

 

Adam looked down at their hands. He kept his eyes down while he spoke.

 

“My father is an investment banker. He wants me to take over his business one day. I will spend my life selling investments to people who have already too much money and just want to have more. That will change the world for sure!”

 

He looked up and again Tommy could see the sadness in his eyes. He wanted to wipe it away. Before he could stop himself,  he reached out and cupped Adam’s cheek. They looked at each other for a while. Then Tommy cleared his throat and pulled away.

 

“But it’s your choice, isn’t it?”

 

Adam sighed and leaned back in his chair.

 

“Yeah, it would be, but my dad won’t support me. I would have to give up this apartment and my car. He would only pay what he has to by law. And that’s just enough to pay tuition.”

 

Tommy sighed.

 

“But if you give it up you could follow your dream. You should do it.”

 

Adam looked into Tommy’s eyes with an emotion he couldn’t read.

 

“That’s not just the fancy life I would give up. I think my father would be deeply disappointed in me. He already might be.”

 

Adam’s voice broke again. Tommy got up a little shakily but pulled Adam into his arms. He just had to. He had never thought that he would open up that way to him. It was touching him deeper than he was ready to admit.

 

Finally he could feel Adam relaxing into the hug. After a few minutes they pushed apart. Adam wiped a tear from his cheek.

 

“Sorry. I never told anyone about that. My dad isn’t really supportive of me being gay. He thinks it might ruin his business, scare his clients away. I was not allowed to be openly gay in my hometown. I was always hiding. He made me feel like I had to, like there was something wrong with me.”

 

Tommy smiled weakly.

 

“Is this the reason why you are... you know...?”

 

Adam snorted.

 

“Yeah, I just had to catch up with what I missed during high school. And now people know me as Adam _Fucking_ Lambert, the gay sex god. I enjoy it.”

 

And just like that Adam’s smirk was back.

 

Tommy smiled.

 

“I get that. I don’t want anything serious either.”

 

There was a long moment of silence between them. They looked each other in the eyes, searching for something, without knowing what or why. Then Adam broke the silence.

 

“I think you should try to get some more sleep now. I told you enough sad stuff that should put you to sleep now.”

 

He smiled weakly and Tommy wished he would check his forehead for fever again. Just to feel his touch. But Adam didn’t.

 

Tommy laid down and soon he felt sleep engulfing him and closed his eyes. He was asleep before Adam left the room.

 

 

Adam was standing in front of the mirror and let cold water spill over his hands. He couldn’t believe how much he’d opened up to Tommy. He didn’t really know him but there was something special about him that allowed him to be open and honest. He should have been embarrassed afterwards, but he wasn’t. He should have been scared letting Tommy in on his secrets, or what Tommy could do with the information, but he wasn’t. Somehow he knew that Tommy would keep his secret. And he wished that things were different. He wished that they could have been friends or maybe more...

 

No, there was no place for a relationship in his life! And there was no way they could be friends, was there?

 

Adam shook his head and towelled his hands. He left the bathroom to prepare something for dinner. Maybe Tommy could eat some soup when he woke up.

 

Adam walked into the bedroom just to check on Tommy. Just to see if he was still asleep and that he didn’t need anything. He had to remind himself again that there was no way there was going to be anything between him and Tommy. He sighed deeply while he watched Tommy’s face. Then he left the room to go to the kitchen.

 

Tommy woke up to the dark room. He turned around on the bed and was surprised that he was free from pain. Finally!

 

He stretched his arms over his head and yawned loudly. Then he sat up on the bed and started to think about what to do now. He should go home, but he was sweaty and he felt somehow weak. He wanted to take a shower, but he probably should ask Adam first if that was okay. Plus he had no clean clothes to change into.

 

He looked around and found his clothes folded on the chair beside the door. Obviously Adam had washed them. Tommy had to smile. He got up and walked out of the room to find Adam.

 

He could hear him in the kitchen. He stopped at the threshold and watched Adam cooking. He was standing with his back to Tommy and was listening to music. He was singing and swinging his hips and Tommy liked what he saw. Adam was really hot and Tommy was not blind. He let his eyes wander over Adams back, down his ass to his long tights. Adam was sex on legs! Tommy couldn’t help but wish for a ride.

 

Just for fun of course.

 

After a few minutes he cleared his throat to let Adam know that he was there. Adam turned around and smiled at Tommy.

 

“Hey, you feel better?”

 

Tommy nodded. He walked over to Adam to see what he was cooking.

 

“Is it chicken soup? I am starving.”

 

Adam chuckled.

 

“I can imagine. I thought you might start with a soup and if you want we can get some pizza later?”

 

Tommy looked up and started to scratch his head.

 

“I would like to take a shower and go home. I mean I’ve caused you enough trouble already.”

 

Adam waved his comment aside.

 

“If you want, you can stay until tomorrow. I don’t have a problem with you being here. And maybe we could talk a bit more?”

 

He looked shyly at Tommy and Tommy couldn’t resist.

 

“Okay, I’ll stay. But if we get Pizza I want to pay for it.”

 

Adam smirked.

 

“So is this finally the date I was waiting for?”

 

Tommy snorted.

 

“Adam, you’re not waiting for a date, you just want to get me into your bed.”

 

Adam laughed. Then he pointed out, “I’ve already had you in my bed!”

 

Tommy flipped him the finger.

 

“You wish.”

 

Adams laughter stopped.

 

“Yeah, I really do wish...”

 

Tommy swallowed hard and looked away.

 

“Whatever, dude. I just wanted to ask if I could take a shower.”

 

Tommy didn’t allow himself to look at Adam’s face. But he had no choice because Adam waited with his answer until Tommy looked up. He could see that Adams eyes were really dark. He seemed to look through Tommy’s pyjama pants. The hungry look in Adam’s eyes sent shiver down his spine.

 

“Adam…”

 

Tommy’s voice was just a whisper. Adam let his eyes wander over Tommy’s body. There was this instant chemistry between them and Adam’s appreciative look almost made Tommy tremble.

 

“Adam…”

 

He whispered a bit louder this time. And finally Adam seemed to wake up from a dream. A slight blush was spreading on his face as he turned away to look after the soup.

 

Then he remembered that Tommy asked for a shower. He turned around and almost collided with Tommy who had moved closer and was now right behind Adam.

 

“Sorry…I just…”

 

Tommy stepped back.

 

“I really should shower and brush my teeth…”

 

Adam nodded with his eyes on Tommy’s lips.

 

“Yeah, sure." I’ll get you a towel and I should have a new unused toothbrush in the bathroom.”

 

Adam walked towards the bathroom and Tommy followed him. He started to brush his teeth while Adam left the room to get a towel. As he got back, Tommy was washing his face. He looked up and saw Adam behind him through the mirror. Tommy could see Adam’s eyes wandering down his back and stopping on his ass. The look in Adam’s eyes was pure hunger.

 

Tommy swallowed hard. Adam looked up and their eyes met in the mirror. Tommy turned around slowly. They both let their eyes wander. No words were spoken, but their eyes seemed to tell their own stories.

 

“Do you need some help? I could wash your back?”

 

Tommy was amazed about the mixture of shyness and lust he could see in Adam’s eyes and hear in his voice. He made his decision quickly. He pushed his pyjama pants down his legs and stepped out of them. Adam swallowed. Then Tommy reached out and took Adams hand.

 

“I’d really like that.”

 

Tommy walked over to the shower, Adam’s hand still in his so he pulled him along. He turned on the water and started to undress Adam. Both were under a spell. Words were not needed.

 

When they were both naked Tommy let his eyes wander over Adam slowly. He led them both into the shower and as the water hit his face, Adam woke up from his temporarily immobilizing spell. Adam took over the aggressive role. He pushed Tommy against the shower wall while his hands started to wander over Tommy’s arms and the rest of his body. He kept his eyes on Tommy’s face and sensually licked his lips. That seemed to be the start signal for Tommy. He pulled Adam closer and suddenly they kissed. Their hands were all over each other’s bodies. Water was running between them and all over them. Adam started soaping Tommy up and everything turned into wet soapy heat.

 

Tommy ignored the screaming voice in his head that was telling him that this might be a bad idea. That maybe it would be better for both of them if Tommy just stopped and left. But Adam felt so good and it had been so long since he’d been with someone, since he got laid. And this was just fun, just a onetime thing, nothing complicated, just sex.

 

So he let Adam lead him towards the bed with its red sheets. And he begged. Adam was teasing him, touching, licking, and petting him everywhere.

“Fuck, Adam! You drive me crazy. Fuck me, please!” He was laying there open and so hard that he almost couldn’t breathe. Adam obliged.

Much later, Adam kissed him awake and whispered, “Your turn, baby!”

 When it was over Adam was holding Tommy in his arms and they were both sated. Tommy kept saying to himself that this was just a little crush, some little thing. It didn’t matter that his heart did this stupid skipping when he looked Adam in the eyes. And he tried to ignore how good and right it felt. Adam pulled him closer to his body and held him tight as they fell asleep.

 

 

Tommy woke up before the sun was up. The room was still dark and he could hear Adam’s breathing right next to his ear. He could have slapped himself, because this was so not how he wanted this to go. But he didn’t even know what he wanted.

 

This was a onetime thing! He tried to convince himself that this was just a fling.

 

Still Tommy wanted to stay for a bit longer. He watched Adam’s face. He was so beautiful and Tommy wished he could stay to watch him forever.

 

Adam sighed after a few minutes and Tommy suddenly knew that his time was running out. He had to leave.

 

He got up from the bed and dressed quickly. Everything was quiet and he was carefully trying to avoid making noise. When he finished he turned towards the bed. Adam was lying on his stomach, the sheets tangled around his legs, leaving a part of his butt cheeks in the open. And Tommy wanted so badly to touch the smooth skin, to kiss over the freckles, to lick…

 

He had to shake himself out of the spell he was falling under again. He had to go, right now!  

 

But he didn’t want to leave without one last look at Adam’s face. Adam’s lips were slightly parted. He looked so much younger and more innocent. Tommy wished things were different, that he’d be different. Maybe then he could stay. But no such luck. Tommy stepped back.

 

For one second he thought about leaving a note. But what could he write? Adam knew it was a one night stand. So he just walked out of the door without looking back.

 

 

Waking up alone wasn’t something he wasn’t used to. Even after a one night stand. But this time it actually felt different. It felt wrong. He’d wanted Tommy to stay. He wanted Tommy back in his bed. Regret filled him at his empty side but he’d known that Tommy would take the first opportunity to leave.

 

He closed his eyes replaying what Tommy said last night right before he took Adam in his mouth.

 

“This is just a one night deal. Don’t forget, I’ll be gone when you wake up.”

 

It was okay to hear that last night. Why was it now so hard to take it. Why was Tommy gone?

 

Adam rubbed his hands over his eyes. He should get up. He had his one night with Tommy. He’d never even wanted more than that. The plan to get Tommy in his bed worked out, he’d won.

 

Time to move on!

 

Adam got up and couldn’t stop himself from searching for a note or a number. But there was nothing. Nothing left to hold on to. And the memories will fade away eventually like they always did after a hot night in bed. Usually, thoughts of the guys left his mind as soon as they left his apartment. This time it was only different because Tommy was there longer then all the others. So maybe he would need a bit longer to forget. Adam pushed all thoughts of Tommy out of his mind because it was time to get ready for the day.

 

Isaac was standing outside their room, listening.

 

Was that someone playing a guitar?

 

Yeah it was. Tommy was playing again.

 

Isaac smiled while he opened the door and got in. Tommy was sitting on his bed, his acoustic guitar in his lap and his eyes closed. He was playing a slow version of “Whole Lotta Love” and Isaac was fighting to suppress a smile.

 

Suddenly Tommy opened his eyes and saw him. He blushed slightly, while he put the guitar away.

 

“Don’t stop. It was so nice to hear you play again. You haven’t played since…”

 

Tommy interrupted him.

 

“Don’t. This is not about Jamie.”

 

Isaac moved towards Tommy, but he stopped before he touched him. He knew Tommy wouldn’t want that. He just sat down beside him.

 

“This is about Adam, isn’t it?”

 

Tommy sighed and let himself fall backwards on the bed. He covered his eyes with his hands and tried to calm his breathing down.

 

“I just… fuck Isaac, he is perfect. Like really perfect. And I hate him so much right now.”

 

Isaac lay down beside Tommy and waited until Tommy was ready to face him.

 

“I really, really hate him!”

 

Isaac couldn’t stop the grin this time.

 

“Is that so?”

 

Tommy nodded.

 

“And why do you hate him?”

 

Tommy turned his face away from Isaac and sighed deeply.

 

“It was meant to be a one night stand, just some awesome sex.”

 

Isaac got up on his elbows.

 

“You had sex with Adam Fucking Lam…”

 

Tommy threw his hands over his face again while a broken cry escaped his mouth.

 

“Okay. Let me rephrase this. You had sex with Adam.”

 

Tommy nodded.

 

“And the sex was good?”

 

Tommy shook his head.

 

“The sex was not good then?”

 

Tommy growled at that.

 

“The sex was amazing! Fucking perfect! Addictive.”

 

Isaac had to laugh at that.

 

“So the sex was amazing.”

 

Tommy nodded.

 

“And you left in the morning?”

 

Tommy nodded again.

 

“And then you got back here and you played guitar for the first time in three years?”

 

Tommy let out a pained moan.

 

“Are you in love with him?” Isaac had to ask.

 

“Didn’t you listen: I hate him!”

 

Isaac got up and patted Tommy’s leg.

 

“Sure you do.”

 

He went to the bathroom.

 

Tommy groaned and turned over to lie on his stomach.

 

“I really hate you, Adam. I hate you for making me fall for you.”

 

He hoped Isaac didn’t hear him, but when he heard him laugh he knew he wasn’t that lucky. This was a perfect disaster!

 

Fucking perfect!

 

He hadn’t thought about Jamie since that fateful summer three years ago.

 

Something inside of him broke that summer and he lost his touch for music. He couldn’t play; he could barely stand looking at the guitar. The memories he combined in his mind with the instrument were too hard to take.

 

And now, here he was playing again. It felt like he never stopped, like music never left his life. He remembered all the notes, the melodies and his fingers seemed to remember just as easily. He should be grateful for that. Grateful that Adam touched something inside of him and made him play again. But he couldn’t admit that it felt good. Because it brought all the pain back too, the pain that he’d been hiding deep inside of him.

 

Tommy sighed deeply while he looked over the guitar as if it were his lover’s body. He let his hand wander over the neck of his guitar and gently touch the fingerboard. He touched the strings and smiled at the vibration he could feel through his fingers. He started to play again without even knowing what he wanted to play. Just to make the guitar speak to him again, after it had been silent for so long.

 

“I’m sorry I left you. I was just hurt and I didn’t want to hurt you. I am sure I would have hurt you if I started to play right after Jamie died.”

 

Tommy could feel the tears forming in his eyes. But this time he welcomed the pain and he let the tears roll down his cheeks while his fingers kept playing melodies he’d lost for so long.

 

After he finished one song, his fingers found the way to play another one and then another and after a while he didn’t even know how long he’d been playing. He felt alive and even if there was some pain left in his heart, he was also happy. He just didn’t understand why.

 

His fingers weren’t used to playing anymore and they started to ache, so he set the guitar down and just stared out the window musing.

 

Suddenly he found himself back in the night when he lost Jamie. He had stopped thinking about it long ago but the memory was crystal clear. He could almost smell the beer that he’d spilled laughing about some stupid joke. They were with the band on their way to their first real gig. They were going to get paid for playing music for the first time.

 

Tommy was so excited and nervous. Jamie was sitting next to him. His long fingers wrapped around a bottle of beer. Tommy was thinking about what might happen between them after the gig. Nothing had happened yet, they didn’t even kiss. But there was something between them.

 

Tommy smiled around his bottle while he looked into Jamie’s eyes. They were so special. Tommy was not sure what colour they were. On some days they seemed dark blue like an angry ocean. On some days they were green blue like a lake. Now they were almost turquoise.

 

Jamie looked so happy and smiled at Tommy in a shy way that made Tommy’s heart skip a beat. It was then that Tommy decided to tell Jamie how he was feeling more than friendship for him. That he wanted a lot more than just to be his friend. It would have to wait until after the gig.

 

Fate is a cruel woman sometimes and Tommy never got the chance to find out if there was more between them or if he was just imagining it.

 

Tommy snapped out of his memories when Isaac stepped into their room. He wiped the tears away and tried to look normal as he turned to look at Isaac.

 

“Hey!”

 

Isaac looked at Tommy with concern in his eyes. Tommy just nodded unable to say anything.

 

“Wanna talk?”

 

Tommy nodded again.

 

“I’ll get everything and be right back.”

 

Tommy smiled thinking how the fuck he got that lucky having such a great friend in Isaac.

 

He looked out the window and could hear Isaac gathering things in the other room. After a few minutes the bed beside him moved and he could feel Isaac sitting down beside him. He took the glass of milk out of Isaac’s hand without even looking.

 

“You know what I need, don’t you?”

 

Isaac giggled and gave Tommy a cookie. Then he leaned back against the wall and waited for Tommy to get ready.

 

After a while the milk and cookie were gone and Tommy turned around to look at Isaac.

 

“It doesn’t hurt the way it did anymore. The pain is almost gone.”

 

Tommy’s voice was small when he started to talk. Isaac didn’t say anything. He knew that he was there to listen until Tommy needed him to say something.

 

“I thought I would never get over it. I was afraid I would always think about him and what might have been. But now… it seems to be over. And I just don’t get why or how that happened. He is still here in my heart, but it’s just more like a reminder of the great friendship we had.”

 

Tommy smiled sadly.

 

“I am not bitter anymore about how we never had the chance to kiss. I am grateful I have known him and that he called me his friend.”

 

Tommy looked at Isaac and with the way his eyes blinked Isaac knew that now was his turn to say something.

 

“You know that it has to do with Adam, don’t you?”

 

Tommy nodded.

 

“There is something between you two and it made you feel ready for music again. It woke you up somehow.”

 

Tommy turned away, showing that he had heard enough.

 

“I don’t want anything serious with Adam. I can’t. I am pretty good on my own.”

 

Isaac kept quiet. Their talk was over. Tommy was drifting away into his world where he refused to love again.

 

Isaac could remember the day Jamie died. He was there.

 

That evening was supposed to be the beginning of their career and the beginning of something more than a friendship between Tommy and Jamie. But neither happened.

 

They were on their way to a bar. Barry was driving the van and Isaac was sitting beside him. Tommy and Jamie were in the back, both drinking beer and laughing. Isaac knew that Tommy wanted to confess to Jamie that he was in love with him right after the gig. Isaac was sure Jamie felt the same. They were magical together. Isaac had to smile about them and was really happy.

 

He looked out the side window and his breath was caught in his throat when he saw a car coming right towards them with high speed. He couldn’t even finish his cry when the car hit them. The impact was so hard; the van turned around and landed against a wall.

 

First there was silence, and then Tommy was frantically calling for Jamie. But there was no answer. And Tommy kept saying: ”You can’t die! I need to tell you that I love you. You can’t just leave me without knowing…” over and over again. Whenever Isaac thought of that night all he kept hearing were Tommy’s frantic words.

 

Jamie died right at the impact. He hit his head against something in the car and was dead even before the car landed against the wall. Barry broke his arm, Isaac had just some bruises and Tommy broke his left foot.

 

The driver of the other car died as well. He was driving drunk and on drugs. They just happened to be in his way.

 

After the accident the band ceased existing. Jamie was dead and Tommy never touched his guitar until today. He couldn’t stand the painful memories. He was always hearing Jamie’s voice singing all their songs.

 

But now there was Adam. Being with him had somehow made Tommy remember his love for music. In his mind, Tommy was able to see that memories of Jamie made room for Adam. But Tommy was not really ready for Adam. He didn’t want to be ready yet.

 

 

Adam didn’t mean to stalk Tommy. He knew that it was a onetime thing between them. Tommy didn’t leave any doubt about that. Still Adam found himself in front of the library again where Tommy was supposed to be that afternoon.

 

He felt pathetic. That was not his usual behaviour after a one night stand. Usually he just moved on to the next boy. He’d been trying to move on for the last three days. He went out and looked for somebody.  And there were many hot guys who wanted him. But every time he started to talk to one of them he found himself bored with the things they said. And the adoring puppy looks they gave him suddenly annoyed him instead of making him feel flattered. He used to be pleased when the boys grovelled at his feet and vied for his attention. Now not so much and he blamed Tommy for that.

 

Fucking Tommy! Tommy with his perfect skin, Tommy’s beautiful eyes, Tommy’s adorable smile, and Tommy’s smart conversation! UGH! What was he doing to himself?

 

He admitted to himself only that he was missing Tommy. He thought about Tommy almost the whole day, not only while he was jerking off in the shower. He was obsessed with him. Adam felt really pathetic for missing Tommy in his arms at night.

 

Damn! It was just one night and still Adam’s bed had never felt this empty. And it was not really about the sex alone. But yeah the sex was amazing! He wanted a repeat of that. But what he wanted most of all was to fall asleep with Tommy in his arms. He wished he could have woken up with Tommy still in his arms.

 

Right now he didn’t want to talk to Tommy; he didn’t even want Tommy to see him. That would be embarrassing. He just wanted to catch a glimpse of his face. That would have to be enough.

 

So he found a place behind a tree and waited. He hoped nobody saw him or they’d think he was a perv. Yet here he was, Adam Fucking Lambert, hiding behind a tree watching for someone. He had to snort at his own idiocy.

 

Then Tommy came out of the library. Adam’s heart jumped in his chest and he felt even more pathetic. He knew he was reading things into Tommy’s behaviour, but he was almost sure Tommy was looking around as if he were looking for someone. Maybe he was looking for him? Adam sighed and just stared while Tommy walked away until he was lost out of sight behind another building. Adam sat down leaning against the tree and let his head fall against the trunk. He closed his eyes and cursed silently.

 

How the fuck did this become his life?

 

 

Tommy found himself looking around and searching for Adam. He didn’t see him and had to shake his head about how stupid he was, thinking Adam would be here. Adam had gotten him into his bed; he got what he wanted and was surely busy with the next guy. Tommy tried to convince himself that it was absolutely okay with him because he didn’t want Adam to be his boyfriend or anything like that. And he didn’t feel anything while he thought that Adam was probably with the next guy. He was really okay with that.

 

Mostly.

 

Tommy found himself thinking about Adam for the last few days. He thought about Jamie a lot too and how much he still missed him. But he was now able to feel the sadness and let it go. He had his music, he was playing guitar again.

 

He found himself smiling while he remembered times with the band. Music was back in his life again and he wanted to embrace it. A part of him was ready to admit that he had feelings for Adam that were as strong as those he had for Jamie; probably even stronger. But he didn’t let himself get lost in them. He wanted to stick with his plan. He didn’t want to be in a relationship.

 

He was surprised that he felt better now once he let himself feel the pain to its fullest and then just remember Jamie. He was still sad about not knowing what could have been. He would never know how it would have been to hold Jamie, to kiss him, to love him. But he found out that the bitterness was gone. There was not only hurt when he thought back to the time he spent with Jamie. He felt grateful for the time they had even if they’d only been friends and he’d wanted so much more. Tommy knew he could move on now.

 

He could find someone to love. He already found someone he could really love. Jamie was not the reason anymore why he didn’t want to fall in love. And the reasons he found for himself… well they didn’t work that good anymore.

 

Tommy knew it was stupid to think that the time for a serious relationship was not here yet. If not now, when? It would never be the perfect time. Maybe he would wait too long again and not get a chance? He was not ready to admit that a part of him wanted to be loved right now. Besides, Adam was not really boyfriend material. Adam wanted to have fun and sex.

 

Tommy sighed while he entered his room. Isaac was already there and looked up at Tommy.

 

“Feeling better today?”

 

Tommy smiled at the concern in Isaac voice.

 

“I am getting there, I think.”

 

He closed the door and set his backpack on the chair.

 

“Somehow I think I found a way to close that Jamie chapter. I mean I felt sorry for myself for so long. I was angry that I never had the chance to be with him. And that anger is gone, so yeah, I actually feel better.”

 

He mumbled the last sentence more to himself. Isaac nodded.

 

“I see that. I’m really happy about seeing you back playing. And even if you don’t want to hear it, I’m happy that Adam did something to you, to make you think about Jamie again.”

 

Tommy rolled his eyes and Isaac could see that he didn’t want to talk about Adam.

 

“I know that you don’t want to hear it and most times I’m able to respect what you don’t want but not this time!”

 

Tommy looked at Isaac and Isaac could see how annoyed he already was.

 

“I know that you are scared to try something with Adam. But it’s too late to stop the feelings you already have. I think you should let yourself love again. You should try to be with Adam and maybe finally have what you’ve missed out on with Jamie. “

 

Tommy shook his head and was about to turn away. Isaac jumped up and was next to Tommy before he was able to reach the door.

 

“No, I won’t let you get away like this. You will sit down and listen to me!”

 

Tommy could just look in shock at Isaac and let himself be pulled around the room. Isaac pushed him down to sit on his bed and took a chair to sit in front of him.

 

“Tommy, I can only imagine how much it hurt to lose Jamie. To go through the pain of losing him with all the unanswered questions of what could have been and what never would be. And I get that you are upset and hurt. But you can’t stay alone all your life just because your first love ended so badly.”

 

Isaac put his finger under Tommy’s chin and forced him gently to look up and meet his eyes.

 

“I don’t want that for you. I want you to be happy again. And Adam is a real chance.”

 

Tommy snorted at that.

 

“I’m not searching for a replacement for Jamie. He was special to me. He always will be. You don’t know what you are talking about.”

 

Tommy’s voice was getting louder until he was almost screaming at the end. Isaac jumped up and held his hands up in surrender. Then his eyes turned sad as he looked down at Tommy.

 

“I might not know what it is like to lose a love, but I know what it’s like to lose a friend.”

 

His voice was just a whisper as he added.

 

“Jamie was my friend too and you never even thought about how it felt for me to see him die. He was my friend since our early childhood days. I lost him too, you selfish asshole!”

 

Isaac turned around, grabbed his jacket and left the room.

 

Tommy swallowed hard in shock. Isaac was right. He let himself fall to the side and curled up in his bed. Tears were pushing their way out of his eyes. He felt completely out of control and so lost. And now he’d managed to upset Isaac too. He had to do something about that. Isaac had always been his friend.

 

Tommy got up and walked to the bathroom to wash his face. As he looked in the mirror he could see streaks of tears and mascara running down his face. He sighed and turned on the water. After cleaning his face he took his jacket and opened the door to look for Isaac. When he stepped in the hall Isaac was sitting beside their door with his head against the wall.

 

“Hey!”

 

Tommy got to his knees in front of Isaac. Isaac looked at him and nodded.

 

“I’m sorry. I really am. And you are right.”

 

Isaac smiled a little.

 

“I am right about what? You being an asshole or about Adam being a real chance.”

 

Tommy grinned a bit and ducked his head.

 

“You are right about the first one and might even be right about Adam.”

 

Isaac giggled at that and punched Tommy on his shoulder.

 

“I can work with that. And now help me up you dork so I can get my hug.”

 

Tommy laughed about that and pulled Isaac up with him just to hug him tight.

 

“I’m happy having you as my friend. I love you, you know?”

 

Isaac giggled again.

 

“Yeah, yeah I love you too. And now let us stop this sappy festival of love and find out what you want to do about Adam.”

 

Tommy rolled his eyes. Isaac shook his head and gave Tommy a stern look.

 

“Okay, I will give you a few days to think about it. But we’ll revisit this subject, trust me!”

 

Tommy nodded and stepped away.

 

“Yeah I know you will. Now, come on; let’s get pizza and some beer.”

 

***

Adam couldn’t stop himself from watching Tommy. He felt more and more stupid doing it though. But he was helpless to stop himself almost as if he were under a spell. Every day he tried to stay away and every day he found himself standing behind the tree, pining after Tommy.

 

He turned away when Tommy walked around the corner out of sight and sighed heavily. He almost jumped out of his skin when he came face to face with Isaac, standing in front of him smiling.

 

“Hi, Adam. Are you done watching yet? Will you start doing something about it or are you just going to stalk him forever? Obviously you like Tommy. I’ve seen you here every day for the last week.”

 

Isaac managed to actually make Adam blush.

 

“I… that is…er…” Adam stammered nonsensical syllable’s.

 

Adam was embarrassed beyond anything. Isaac shook his head. Adam sighed and put his hand on his neck.

 

“Okay, yeah, I might have been watching Tommy. You know he was sick and…”

 

Isaac snorted.

 

“Adam, Tommy was sick a month ago. You can just say that you like him and you want to see him. It’s okay. I am just wondering if you’ll act on it this decade.”

 

“Isaac, I can’t do anything. Tommy was pretty clear about not wanting a relationship. I had my onetime and that was all I can expect from him I guess.”

 

Isaac shook his head and had to laugh at Adam’s forlorn expression.

 

“Yeah that’s what he’s saying about you too.”

 

Adam’s eyes got wide when what Isaac had said registered in his head.

 

“I never said I didn’t want a relationship. He assumed that because I said I had to catch up with what I’ve missed in high school. That doesn’t mean that I want to keep doing one night stands for the rest of my life. I mean it’s been nice, but with the right person I want to have more than that.”

 

Isaac locked eyes with Adam and watched him with an intensity that almost made Adam uncomfortable. But he resisted looking away. Finally Isaac nodded.

 

“All right, I see you two need someone who’ll kick your asses in the right direction.”

 

He sighed and looked around.

 

“Look, Tommy has been my best friends since forever. I want him to be happy and I see that there is something about you. Maybe you could make him happy. But I am his friend, so I can’t tell you his secrets. They are not mine to tell. I can only tell you that Tommy needs someone who can stand up for himself. He needs someone who knows who he is and fights for what he believes in and for the people he loves. It must be someone brave enough to stand on his own, because otherwise he wouldn’t be able to hold Tommy down when he needs it. And before you ask: No, I’m not talking about the kinky stuff, I’m talking about life. Tommy needs someone who will keep him anchored in reality. Can you do that?”

 

Adam looked up to the sky and smiled before he looked directly at Isaac.

 

“Tommy makes me want to be like that. I want to be the right person for him, with him. And I will prove that I’m worth it.”

 

Isaac snorted again and growled: “If not I’ll kick your ass!”

 

Adam grinned, turned and started to run towards his car. Then he looked back and yelled “Thanks!” before he disappeared.

 

Isaac shook his head and grinned too.

 

Two days later Adam walked into the office, where Eber Lambert was working. Eber looked up as Adam closed the door behind him.

 

“Adam, I didn’t know you’re coming to visit? The holidays are a few weeks away still. Don’t tell me they threw you out?”

 

Adam could feel anger creeping up inside his body.

 

“Hello father, nice to see you too. I came because I have some things I need to tell you.”

 

Eber snorted and leaned back in his office chair.

 

“You could have called, you know?”

 

Adam came closer and put his hands on the desk while he leaned towards Eber.

 

“I could have, but I chose to have this talk with you face to face.”

 

“Well… I’m all ears.” Eber looked puzzled by his son’s sudden assertiveness.

 

Adam took a deep breath. “I almost let you dictate my whole life. I know what I want and I know who I am. I won't let you take that away from me. Not anymore. You can take away my car and my apartment. I really don't care.”

 

Eber raised a cynical eyebrow.  But Adam had accumulated momentum and while he was on a roll he blurted the rest out too.

“I thought I needed all of that but I don't. I just need to live my life. And I want to start on my terms today. I want to be doctor, I want to work with children, and I will do anything to make my dream come true. You won’t stop me anymore.”

 

Adam looked at his father, his breath coming out of his mouth in harsh pants.

 

He really did it! He just let his anger and his disappointment out. He felt exhausted all of sudden, but also very happy. He couldn’t stop the smile that stretched his lips.

 

Eber was sitting in silence behind the desk, his face unreadable. Adam felt like there was no reason to stay longer. He said what he needed to say and started to turn away towards the door. He stopped in his tracks, when he heard the chair moving. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

 

Then Eber was right beside him. Adam didn’t know what to expect, maybe he even thought Eber was going to slap him or something stupid. But it took him by surprise when his father pulled him into a tight hug.

 

Adam pushed away to look at his father. Eber was smiling and his eyes were shiny.

 

“Dad, I don’t understand…”

 

Eber patted Adam’s shoulder.

 

“Son, you can’t imagine how long I have been waiting for you to finally come around.”

 

Adam drew back with utter shock and disbelief on his face.

 

“What?” He asked incredulous.

 

Eber let out a small laugh.

 

“Yeah, I saw that you were not happy and that I was forcing you to do something you didn’t want. But I hoped you would have the courage to step up to the plate and tell me what it is that you want to do. Sadly, you never did. I was disappointed, not in you, but in me. I was hoping to teach you a lesson; instead I made you give up. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go down. I’m sorry you wasted the last year, but it’s not too late to be whatever you want to be.”

 

Adam had to sit down in one of the visitors’ chairs.

 

“I don’t believe you! You put me through hell! I wanted so badly to make you proud of me and you just… You played me…?”

 

Adam’s voice broke; unwelcome tears were pushing into his eyes. Eber walked over to him and kneeled down in front of Adam.

 

“I’m sorry, if you feel like I played you. I didn’t mean to. It was supposed to be a life lesson. I thought the way I raised you would allow you to find your own way and to speak up for yourself. It was never supposed to hurt you.”

 

Adam snorted and looked at Eber.

 

“Dad, you made me a liar out of me. Jesus, I thought you hated me!”

 

Eber pulled Adam into his arms; both men were now struggling with tears in their eyes.

 

“I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m so sorry, Adam.”

 

He took Adam’s face in his hands and looked him in the eyes.

 

“I am proud of you, now even more than ever. Look at you! You came here, thinking you would lose my support, maybe even my respect and still you chose to stand up for your own choices. It’s your life! How could I be not proud of you?”

 

Adam sniffed.

 

“I know, I wasn’t always the best father and I was struggling with you being gay, sometimes I still am. But not for the reasons you think. I just know the world outside. It’s hard to be different. I didn’t want you to have to defend the choices you made in your private life.”

 

Adam wiped tears away and smiled sadly at his father.

 

“I guess we have a lot to talk about.”

 

Eber nodded.

 

“We have. We should have lunch together first though. I’ll quit work for today and we can talk things out over lunch. How about it?”

 

“I’d really like to do that.” Adam grinned happily.

 

Eber walked over to his desk to collect his wallet and his phone. He turned off his computer and turned back to Adam.

 

“What made you talk to me now?”

 

Adam smiled at his father and for the first time he felt like he could really talk to him about everything.

 

“I fell in love.”

 

Eber nodded, a smile on his face.

 

“I see. Love still changes everything.”

 

 

Tommy was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his lap, his fingers pulling on the strings. The music he was creating wasn’t meant to be anything special, just some notes. He smiled and closed his eyes.

 

“Don’t you want to write this down?”

 

Isaac’s voice startled Tommy.

 

“Nah, it’s just for fun.”

 

Isaac shook his head.

 

“Really? You've been playing the same melody for days. Maybe it has a deeper meaning?”

 

Tommy stopped playing and sighed. When he opened his eyes and looked at Isaac, Isaac knew, Tommy was ready to talk now.

 

“I wrote it in my head for Adam. I think I’m in love with him. I am such a douche!”

 

He smiled and for the first time it didn’t look forced or sad. It was a real smile. Isaac walked over to Tommy and pulled him into a hug. When they pushed apart Isaac wiped some tears away.

 

“Now, go and get your man! He is waiting for you, you know?”

 

Tommy looked at Isaac in astonishment.

 

“What? How would you know?”

 

Isaac huffed. “I am not blind and obviously smarter than both of you put together.”

 

Tommy smirked and left a smacking kiss right on Isaac’s mouth. Isaac wiped it away with some mocked disgust but his lips stretched into a smile.

 

Suddenly Tommy was nervous and unsure of himself. What if Isaac was wrong? What if they were both wrong and Adam didn’t have any interest in him at all?

 

He shook his head. It was time to grow up; a part of it was to take a chance. Otherwise, he would again never know. So Tommy pulled his guitar case closer and walked up the stairs to the building where Adam’s apartment was. He took one last deep breath and pushed the doorbell with the name Lambert on it. Adam hit the buzzer without using the intercom and Tommy flew the two flights of stairs up to his apartment. The door was open and he peeked inside.

 

“One moment, I just have to get my wallet...”

 

Adam’s voice came from somewhere in the back. Tommy closed the door behind him, set his case down and just breathed Adam’s scent in.

 

Adam almost jumped when he came out of his bedroom and saw Tommy. Tommy let his eyes wander down Adam’s body to his bare feet. Something about them made Adam even more loveable and Tommy couldn’t help himself from walking over to him to pull Adam into a kiss.

 

The second their lips touched, Adam froze and for a moment Tommy cursed internally at his stupidity for thinking this was wanted. But then he felt Adam’s lips moving against his and his hands sliding along Tommy’s arms towards his neck. When Adam’s hands finally cupped Tommy’s head, Tommy sighed into the kiss and let Adam take over. Adam stepped closer, pulling Tommy into his world, into his body. He let one of his hands slide over Tommy’s hip and he traced circles over his bare skin where his T-shirt gaped open between it and his jeans. Tommy shivered and pulled Adam even closer. Adam let his tongue stroke over Tommy’s lips, tenderly asking for a taste of his mouth. Tommy opened his mouth and when Adam’s tongue slipped inside, they both groaned.

 

The kiss turned from tender to hot in a few seconds. Hands were groping, pushing, pulling. Tommy could feel Adam’s hard cock rubbing against his hip; their size difference was making him shiver in delight. His own dick pressed painfully against the zipper. He shifted a little, to ease the pressure, but instead he rubbed along Adam’s thigh. The touch sent sparks down his spine and he bit Adam’s bottom lip.

 

Adam gripped Tommy’s butt and created a delicious friction on Tommy’s dick, when he started to pull it up and down. Their mouths were still locked, their kisses forceful and almost violent. Teeth were scraping along soft lips, while they rubbed against each other in a frantic dance. Tommy could feel his orgasm building up and he came helplessly when Adam pressed his butt cheeks together in a last desperate movement right before he came too. Adam released Tommy’s lips to cry out his ecstasy into the space around them while his dick was pulsing his release against Tommy’s hip through their pants.

 

For a few minutes they were just standing there, breathing harshly against each other.

 

“Damn, that was not how this was supposed to go down…” Tommy managed to force out, while he grinned stupidly.

 

Adam grinned back and leaned towards Tommy for a soft kiss.

 

“Well, one thing’s certain; you’re not the delivery guy I was expecting. But I won’t complain.”

 

Their lips met in another kiss just when the doorbell rang. They both giggled and Adam opened the door to let the guy in. The smell of  some unknown Chinese food filled the room.

 

After he’d paid, Adam closed the door behind the delivery guy and turned back to Tommy, a shy look on his face.

 

“Hey…”

 

Tommy walked over to him and took the food packages from his hands. He set them down on the couch table and took Adam’s hands in his own. He looked at Adam and stroked small circles around his knuckles.

 

“I didn’t mean to come here and attack you. I… er… wanted to talk.”

 

Adam smiled and pulled Tommy closer. Only inches apart their looks were diving into each other.

 

“Talk to me, baby.”

 

Tommy sighed at the sweet endearment. He stepped away a bit and sighed again.

 

“You might want to sit down for that. I have some things to tell you about me.”

 

Adam nodded.

 

“What about something to eat?”

 

Tommy smiled.

 

“I was hoping you’d offer…”

 

Between some chop suey and egg rolls, Tommy told Adam everything about Jamie. They shared some tears together but also some laughter. Tommy was surprised how much he enjoyed telling Adam all the silly stories about Jamie. He was amazed that Adam didn’t feel any jealousy over Jamie even though he seemed to be such a big part of Tommy’s life.

 

“I really thought I’ve lost my chance for love when Jamie died.”

 

Adam looked up and took Tommy’s hand.

 

“But you stopped thinking that, right?”

 

Tommy looked away and mumbled something.

 

“What did you say?”

 

Tommy sighed.

 

“Adam, you’ll have to be patient with me. I’ll come around eventually and tell you all those things you want to hear. I’m just not that good with words. But if you want, I can play it for you?” Tommy ducked his head shyly.

 

Adam looked at him with curiosity written all over his face and watched him get up to get his guitar.

 

“I didn’t know you play the guitar.”

 

Tommy took the guitar in his lap and fixed the guitar strap on his neck.

 

“You made me feel like playing music again. I haven’t played since Jamie’s death, until that night we had…you know…”

 

A slight blush crept over Tommy’s cheeks and he looked down at his guitar and started to plug the strings with his fingers. The melody was familiar but Adam couldn’t put his finger on it. He kept his eyes on Tommy’s hands.

 

Tommy’s fingers were like magic. Adam could easily spend the rest of his life watching those fingers. And maybe he didn’t just want to watch him play the guitar, he wanted to be played by him and touch him in return. He wanted to be the fingerboard! Yeah, there should definitely be a lot of touching.

 

Adam let himself feel the melody and hummed with the notes, until he knew the song.

 

“Wow, that was the hottest version of ‘Whole Lot of Love’ I’ve ever heard!”

 

Tommy grinned pleased.

 

“That was the first song that came to my mind, the first one I wanted to play after all these years. And I was thinking of you while I pulled the strings.”

 

Adam smiled sweetly.

 

“I can’t believe how much meeting you changed my life. I know it might sound strange and believe me, if someone told me that a half year ago I would have laughed at them, but it seems like I was waiting for you. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life! You were the spark that lit my fire. I never thought about wanting relationships or love. But you just…”

 

Adam swallowed and looked down.

 

“You just pulled me into you and you made me want things, things I’d forgotten about.”

 

Tommy set his guitar down and moved closer to Adam.

 

“Hey, I guess we both met each other just at the right time, even if I didn’t want to believe it at first.”

 

Adam nodded and looked back at Tommy.

 

“That’s what it seems like. I finally had the chance to set things right with my father.”

 

Tommy looked surprised.

 

“You did?”

 

Adam smiled.

 

“Things are not all golden between us. He has still some reservations about me being gay, but I think we are on a good course. Some things were just misunderstandings between us. We had a long talk and things are turning out much better than I could have ever hoped.”

 

He pulled Tommy in his lap and buried his fingers in his hair. They looked at each other and the emotions between them were so raw, they both got scared. Both took a deep breath in unison and then they started to giggle and finally laugh.

 

After a while their laughter died down and Adam’s eyes turned serious again. He pulled Tommy’s forehead to his and whispered: “Please don’t break my heart…”

 

Tommy let out a whiny sound and brushed his lips over Adam’s. They kept the kiss gentle and slow, the urgency from earlier gone. They had all their lives! Their hands started to stroke and search for skin. Slowly and carefully they undressed each other. Every touch was soft and silent, every move slow and caressing. It was so different from any sexual experience they both ever had. Their need for release was crying for them to speed up, but they refused as long as they could bear it.

 

When Adam pushed inside Tommy’s body, Tommy closed his eyes, unable to fathom the emotions rising up in him. Adam took his face in his hands.

 

“Let me in, baby…”

 

Tommy blinked his eyes open and gasped when he looked into Adam’s eyes. Their eyes stayed locked while they made love and the slow movements brought them closer to the edge. Finally Adam put his hands on Tommy’s butt and pulled him closer yet, pushing into him one final time. Tommy could feel the orgasm rolling over him, not unexpected, but still surprising. Within the same second Adam cried out his release.

 

Tommy collapsed in Adam’s arms. It wasn’t intentional or thought out, he just followed his overwhelming feelings for Adam at that moment and just whispered “love you” into Adam’s neck. He froze after realizing what he’d said. He closed his eyes, silently cursing himself. It was too soon! But just when he started to panic in earnest, Adam pulled him closer, kissed his hair and whispered “love you too” and “so much” back at him.

 

Adam woke up in the middle of the night. Everything was quiet. Tommy was lying on his stomach beside him, his hand over Adam’s chest. Adam took his hand and kissed each finger. He smiled at Tommy, reveling in their bond which had grown out of nothing but some little thing.

 

Who would have thought that he would end up here with Tommy, happy and in love? It still scared him to open up just like it did Tommy. He knew there would be times ahead of them when they would have to fight to stay together. But he was convinced that they would fight together for it, not against each other.

 

He moved closer to Tommy and kissed his bare shoulder. Tommy squirmed in his sleep and surged closer to him, but didn’t wake up. Adam snuggled in, closed his eyes and let sleep drift away with him, knowing Tommy would be there when he woke up.

 

 

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
